Who said that the couple relationship was an easy thing?
As all human relationship, the couple´s one is affected by different conflicts and crisis, which require its members to adapt to several situations that this relation must face, always dynamic, always changing.
It is known that many of the problems, which appear in this sphere of life, are born from communicative difficulties and deficiencies, which are accentuated with time and can reach a serious dimension. It is common to observe that none of its members realizes this situation of deterioration until a conflict of great magnitude eventually bursts.
All couples, although they have a very solid relationship, they are susceptible of pass for moments of crisis. These moments will have to be faced, since they form a part of the normal development of the relationship.
There is an old popular saying that says ¨of courtship honeys, of married galls¨. It is a tendency to idealize the love and relationship of the first years, people do not take into account that coexistence changes in a significant form the way of living. In addition, they will be appearing disagreements, conflicts and disputes caused by the most diverse reasons, from the own problems, inherent to the couple, to the relation with both families. It is when different ways to react appear, and they are projected with a ¨repertoire¨ of attitudes and answers that are sometimes very different to the usually used. Something that results understandable.
There are false beliefs and certain myths that I will like to specify. These are some examples:
- Our love will stay constant forever with the pass of time.
- My mate should be able to anticipate my thoughts, my feelings and my necessities.
- If she/he loves me truly, she/he will try hard to like me, to satisfy my desires.
- Love means never having to be angry or upset.
- Love means wanting to be always together.
- Interests, objectives and values of each one will be always the same.
- My mate will always be open, direct and honest with me.
- As we are in love, my mate will respect me, understand me and accept me, regardless the type of conducts that I have.
- The grade of sex, affect and compromise must not never decrease.
- We should be always agree in any kind of matter.
These unobjective beliefs can lead to disillusion, disappointment, frustration and anger. In other words, to an unsatisfactory relationship. Because of this it is important relativize, dedramatize and clarify these ideas. Arrived at this point, I think that I must precise the problems that provoke disagreements; let´s see what are the most usual, divided in two categories: functional aspects and problems of coexistence.
As for functional aspects, I will mention dedicating too much time at work first, which presupposes that if the couple does not find a space of time for leisure, to invent new forms of fun, to share their experiences, the relationship becomes more vulnerable.
Other element is the distribution of household chores. The lack of implication by one of the parts translates into little support to the other. There are also the differences in employment status, because some men do not usually accept that their mate has a superior economic and professional level than theirs. The economics topics are significant. Take into account that it is not so important how much money there is, but what it is spent on, and if both people are agree in how administer their economy.
Families-in-law can become in other problem. The most frequent is not knowing how to set limits to the family of origin or maintaining an unbalanced relationship with one of the families, which can cause serious disagreements.
Finally, the health problems (physical or mental), the addictions (drugs, alcohol, pathological gambling, etc). In spite of its severity, some diseases as depression can interfere in the relationship world, but they are not usually habitual determinants of breakoffs. Nevertheless, with the addictions do not happen the same, as example, nowadays the alcoholism is a frequent cause of separation of the couple and destruction of the family.
Problems of coexistence
In regard to problems of coexistence themselves, these appear in any moment; but sometimes they usually come out on vacation markedly. That closeness and permanence are like a magnifying glass, they put all in evidence.
The lack of communication is very important; it is cause and effect of a bad couple relationship. Sexuality is other polemic area, because the sexual relations are the expression of privacy, and they can be the origin of the conflicts; and vice versa, the conflicts can lead to sexual difficulties, which means that a sexual dysfunction can be the expression of a negative relationship.
Infidelity has a great impact; it leads to suffering and emotional breakdown, with loss of self-esteem. The discovery of the existence of other love relationship triggers a crisis, almost inevitably.
Other phenomenon that affects is the domestic violence, more frequently that we imagine. Violence provoke grave familiar situations, and it is not always expressed physically, it usually manifests as psychological violence or aggression. In addition, of course, the vital crisis along the own couple history are other key element.
When the couple relationship goes into a crisis, they should be sought all the ways for go out of this crisis; the problem must be identified and solutions must be proposed. In first place, it all depends on if the members want to keep the relationship and if there are motivations to want to save it, still. In this case, it is very likely that the differences and problems will be solved, these ones prevent to the couple from proceeding with their normal life and they get a more positive, mutually satisfying and reinforcing coexistence.